Pet People

Those of us with pets, hence the title and further known as Pet People, have this affinity for speaking to our pets as if they understand and, often, as though they are children.

This is what I was thinking about this morning as I took my dog out in the freezing (ok, so maybe it was 40 degrees. But, to those of us in South Florida, it is COLD) outdoors to potty. Ok, right there. There it is. To potty? Now, when I talk to my friend at work, Lauren (whom we share every tidbit of juicy info), I do not say I have to go potty, wee wee or anything remotely like that.

Anyway, Chanel, our cute little Min-Pin, (not so cute at 4 a.m.) had been running around in her form of beggary to be taken out, for which I resisted as long as I possibly could because it was Alaskan temperatures outside. The conversation with Chanel went something like this: Chanel, honey, go potty (again with the potty. Wonder if anyone is listening. Ok, who in their right mind is up at this hour? ). Mommy (I am pretty sure I did not birth her, but somehow I am mommy) is cold. Wait a few minutes (or, was it seconds? I am not quite sure because of the frigid temperatures). {Voice rising slightly} Chanel, hurry up and do it. Waiting a bit again, then I launch into Chanel, gd, mommy is cold. Stop sniffing every gd thing in the yard and go potty (car alarms go off. Kidding. Maybe.) Conveniently, she responded with the appropriate bodily function, as if scared sh**less. Hustling her inside, I then praised her as if she completed a major accomplishment.

Funny, now that I think about it, she only responded when I yelled and my head spun like the exorcist. She acted as if she didn’t understand my other commands. This is bull because she responds when inside and I say: Do you need to go potty, in my sing song baby voice. She takes off like a bullet to the door. Da** dog. Thank god she’s so cute.